Week 3- Meeting try-out

Last week was CRAZY!! I worked really really really hard on a show and in that madness I forgot to post two Sundays ago and I didn't go to WW on Sunday.

In preparation for the craziness, I did a really good job of prepping for the first half of the week but not as well for the second. However, I pretty much maintained the weight I lost the second week. HURRAY! I was very concerned that I would have gained more as I bought a bunch of food that are triggers for me and did a lot of stress eating. Even when I was stress eating, I knew what I was doing and when I decided I needed to get rid of the ice cream because I knew I couldn't handle having it in the house, I threw it away!

One of the problems I had the last time I joined was lack of constancy of meeting time. I didn't have a regular time and so I didn't know people at the meetings and thus was less motivated to go. I wish that I could go to the wed 9:30 meeting every week, but that is probably not gonna happen. I hope that I can pick two meetings: Wed 9:30 or Sunday at 7:00 depending on my work schedule.

I love the energy at this meeting. It was very dynamic and as per usual the topic seemed like it was being done specifically for me. How to get motivation and create it for yourself. Don't always focus on the scale. Make a victory list, things that you can do now that you couldn't do before. I want to go out and take a walk.

Here's me right after the meeting:



I'm gonna go start my victory list!

A big step for this lady on a sad day.

I went to Weight Watchers today.


I have not gone to a meeting in 6 months or 8 months or idon'tevenrememberwhen. To be honest I went because my pants don't fit and I don't want to buy new ones in a bigger size. The number is what I was dreading and dreading. In reality, on the scale, it was not as scary as I thought it would be. I didn't cry or yell, I looked at it and moved on. It is no longer an ambiguous, un-conquerable thing. It is real and I know what it is. I can only go down from here.

One of the things I have been wrestling with since they changed the program last November is that because I have been doing this program for so long, it is hard for me to get excited about it because I know what to do. I know the gospel but I can't actually listen to it. I told the leader this morning about it and she said something profound. "You have to be able to say that you don't know the program and that you don't have all the answers." She is totally correct. I don't know how to make the program work. Not right now anyway. I need to learn.

I need to start over and read everything they give you. Track all meals, exercise, look up the points for everything. I need the support of a constant meeting. I need friends. I need support and help from others. I can't do this alone. If I could I would already have done it. I have a small goal. 12 lbs. That's it. When I do that I think my pants will fit again.

I am actually a little sad I didn't go two weeks ago as it is Loose For Good time again. (Weight Watchers donates money to food banks for every pound members loose during that time.) This is a cause I used to be very active in, thanks to my crazy High School. This year I am going to donate the lbs I loose during the next six weeks to the food drive and I am not going to be coy about the fact that I am on Weight Watchers.




Here I am, a little blurry, but posing like a model in my kitchen. I think it is a good idea to take a picture every week so that I can look at them and see the progress even when my head is not willing to admit any difference.

I want to write about what day it is, how overwhelmed I am, how sad I feel for all of us, Americans, New Yorkers, Family members. That I can't read any of the wonderful stories people are writing in the New York Times or listen to NPR or watch the news because it makes me weepy (and even now I am starting to cry just typing this.)
This day will always be the anniversary of the week before I went to college and everything changed. I want to write about how hard it must be for those family members to look at anything including the Wells Fargo ATM, which has a message while you wait in honor of those who died. About how I often think of a This American Life or some other NPR story of a woman who's credit card was to expire in September of 2011 and how she had to have it changed so that she wouldn't have to look at the expiration date every day. I don't want to write about that because it is too much, it opens up such emotion I worry that I won't be able to stop crying.

I have to be focused on other things because I have a plot due by midnight and a Big Early Day on Monday.